In Our Happy Home: Disappointed Husband

A friend of mine said before that she had her husband wait for someone else to help him with something because the baby was sleeping and she had to get dinner ready.

I was so caught of guard by that, like, the baby can sleep in the car and you guys can pick something up to eat. I would never make my hunny wait when I'm available. (outside looking in...you dont know my story)

Then I had my opportunity to do just that and FAILED MAJORLY (hind site)

So this evening I really let my husband down. He needed me to do something for him and I could not bring myself to just say "OK" and move on.   It was 8:45 pm, our visiting family just left from having a late dinner with us.  I thought for sure he was making other plans that excluded me and the kids, but I was wrong. All I could think was this was really going to mess with all the plans I had laid out for the night, and I let him know exactly that.  He got upset.

All I could think was, It's almost 9pm, It's been a busy day, I barely got any sleep last night, Nina barely napped, I really want a cup of tea, I have been trying to make a cup of tea since this morning, the kids need baths, I need to pack your lunch, clean the kitchen, get the laundry away, and I would really like really need to take a shower.

In the middle of him talking and me trying to get him to understand my point, I stopped trying because I could see how upset he was.  I knew what he needed, but at that point he didn't even want my help anymore.

What he needed from me was to say "OK, Tell me what it is you need me to do to make this easier for you."

Do I feel like my thoughts and intentions were selfish; No. Do I feel like I could have and should have taken the selfless route; Yes.

Our marriage has taught me a couple things, one of them being that this relationship I vowed to be in is not for myself, it is for him. Even though our roles and responsibilities are ever changing, I'm in this for him.

Another being that I will often forget the first, but if I take time away to think about his request instead of responding with a rebuttal, I always choose the selfless route.

Queen Elsa said it best, " It's funny how a little distance can make everything seem small". Its the truth.

With that said, when your mate comes with to you with a request, question, idea, or anything take a moment to pause, reflect, work through your own thoughts, and or frustrations internally, put them aside and respond with love.

I'm sorry hunny

A Minute to 18 years

I received a text from one of my close friends this evening:
"Nothing in life has u busy enough where you cant respond to a text or call me live..."

My initial thought was, "Damn, I forgot to call". I did feel bad about it, and responded:
" You are right. I will call when Maurice is down from work"

At that moment, I was sitting with our girls listening to Jazz waiting for the changing of the guards so that I could start dinner.  At that moment, I had a few moments where life was calm and in order. And at that moment, nothing in life had me THAT busy. And then that moment was over.

If I said that was the only call/text/request I did not get a chance to respond to, I'd be lying.

The truth is they were not right.  I am that busy, and life is exactly what has me that busy.  I have two little people and two big people who need attention from me at many simultaneous moments, plus variables. Before 11 pm, I have had approximately 35 combined minutes to myself.  Today I chose to use them to shower with the door closed and eat a hot meal without having to share (yeah, it gets like that around here). And since sitting here I have had to put both kids back to bed once.

I sneak away to use the restroom, only to hear little giggles outside the door, which I obviously love hearing.

I think of what we are going to do next before the current activity is over. Sometimes I'm not sure who has the shorter attention span, me or the kids.  

Days are spent using our imaginations climbing mountains and searching for birds in the forest. FYI there is no cell service out there :-) and creating surprises for daddy before he gets home. We baked and left the dishes for you...SURPRISE!!!!  We washed laundry and nothing got folded or put away...SURPRISE!!!!

We can't forget about meals.  These people in my house wake up hungry EVERY DAY.  I'm like, really you ate last night. ok, J/K, but really, that's the first thing I hear. Soon to be followed by: 

What's for lunch, she needs to have water, she had orange juice with breakfast, no, no you can't have those chips, yes you can have the almonds, no no ice cream, ok, if you nap you can have banana ice cream. 

That was about 5 seconds of thoughts and kid conversation mixed with bribery.

Have you ever seen that post "5 minutes in a moms head" ? It's the truth. Except my meatloaf rocks and I love my minivan. 

"What do I need to do today... return calls, answer emails, return texts from days ago... people probably think I'm so rude. I need to get organized. I need to organize this whole house. This room is a mess. I saw on Oprah that your bedroom is a reflection of your marriage. God please don't let that be true. I need to declutter. At the very least I need to put away all of this laundry. It's a bad sign when you run out of laundry baskets and start using clear storage containers. But first I need to take all of the clothes out of all of the drawers and sort. I'm tired of seeing my 4-year-old put on 2T pants. But they kind of look like capri pants, right? I just hate getting rid of clothes. Especially when I know they can't be passed down. Maybe we should have another baby. I don't feel done. I feel crazy and stressed out, but not done."

I have never had a job that required as much love, attention and energy.  It's draining, it's rewarding, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  All that to say, us parents of young ones are so busy! If we don't get back to you, please don't take it personal. Give us anywhere from a minute to 18 years.

Early Labor Signs

Leaking or Discharge:

You pass your mucus plug or water breaks.  Not everyone will notice the passing of their plug.  Your water may also not break before your pushing stage.

Contractions:

With or without pain you will feel your stomach tightening like a  fist.  Everyones pain tolerance varies so time them. If they are consistent 10 min apart or less for over an hour, you may want to call your doctor or midwife.

Cramps:

You may have period like cramps, with or without passing loose stools. Its perfectly normal and your body is getting ready to deliver that baby.

Pelvic Pressure:

You may actually feel your baby "drop" shifting downward in your stomach. Feel like you have to hold yourself while standing or walking...yup, that's it.

Backache:

You may have a dull ache in your mid to lower back. Applying counter pressure usually helps to ease the discomfort.

• If you think that you are leaking amniotic fluid, put on a pad and lay down. If you are able to soak it, then your water has most likely broken.
• To test if you are having real contraction, rest and drink a couple glasses of water. Sometimes dehydration can cause cramping and contractions. If they are real they will not stop regardless of what you do.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and do not claim to be one. These are my experiences and some others have shared with me.

Coping with Natural Labor

Here are a few options with coping with Natural Labor. 

Water Birth:

Considered one of the most gentle ways to give birth because of being in a warm water filled tub. This helps to comfort, relax, and manage pain. You can leave the tub for delivery or give birth in the water.  If a tub is not available sitting on a stool in a warm shower can also help relax you and help labor progress.

Hypno Birthing:

Teaches us how to place ourselves in a hypnotic state, that should put us in a deep state of relaxation that helps keep pain to a minimum.

Lamaze:

This focuses on breathing and the support of a partner. Knowing that our bodies are made to do this and having the right to birth the way we choose with family and professional health care support.

Bradley Method:

Trusting your own body, focused breathing, relaxation, exercise, nutrition and a great coach. Your significant other attends classes to learn how to be helpful during labor. 

Our Natural Labors and Coping Experiences

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/02/coping-with-natural-labor-my-experience.html

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/02/coping-with-natural-labor-my-experience_4.html

Coping with Natural Labor: My Experience DD1

When we found out we were pregnant with our first child, I knew right away that I wanted to have a natural birth. To me that meant no epidural.  DH and I prepared ourselves as well as we thought we could as first time parents in the internet era. We looked it up online :-)  

Our hospital offered so many resources, but we were unable to attend the birth classes due to scheduling conflicts. We decided to order a video we could watch on our own time.  We ordered "Laugh and Learn About Childbirth", with Sheri Bayles.  It has six different forty five minute lessons that covered everything we felt we needed to know and things we did not know.

• Anatomy and Preliminary Signs of Labor 
• Three Actual Stages of Labor
• One Breathing Technique
• Labor and Delivery 
• Pushing 
• Medications used in Labor 
• Induction 
• Forceps
• Vacuum 
• Monitoring 
• Cesarean Delivery 
• Post-op C/S 
• Postpartum Vaginal Delivery

It was a great guide to have our first. We were able to ask educated questions during our appointments and the laboring process and were able to be an active informed participants in our care.

How I was able to cope.:

I will start by saying, I could not have done it without my husband. He was the best support I could have.  I had my first "real" contraction around 4:30pm. I did not know it was real until about an hour later with them progressing and being unable to speak during them. Steady deep breathing helped me get through each of them initially.  They were eight to five minutes apart, so decided to jump in the shower as we would be making our way to the hospital soon. While in the shower they went to every three minutes, WHOA! I actually laughed at myself when they hit that point.  Of course a hot relaxing shower would speed them up.  

Once I got out, they slowed back down to about five minutes, but they were much more intense. It felt like extreme pressure in my lower back and cramping in my lower abdomen. Breathing helped pace myself so I would not freak out and remind myself that I am in control, but counter pressure from DH massaging my lowing back with each breath helped with discomfort. Massage up with each breath in and down with each breath out...for eleven hours :-) He really labored with me.  I was able to talk, text, and enjoy a laugh in between contractions for a while.  I had continuous fetal monitoring and was doing a lot of sitting during labor.  It was a lot harder using counter pressure to assist with pain once I was in bed because DH could not get to my back as well and I could not move as I felt I needed to.

This is where DH's coaching and my will kicked in skills really kicked in.  At the end of each contraction I would tell myself, that wasn't that bad, I can do another one, and again, and again. He reminded me to breath when he could see I was holding my breath (that is really easy to do at that time). Slow deep breathing was key for me and he kept me on pace. Him breathing with me and his encouraging words really kept me going. I got to a point where I felt like I could not do it anymore. I stalled at 8 cm and I was tired. He just kept telling me how great I was doing and to keep breathing. That we would see our baby girl soon.  I got to a point where all I could do was pray because I was exhausted, I was actually dozing between contractions.  I remember saying out loud, "Lord please, I cant do it anymore, please get this baby out of me". AND almost immediately came the pressure to push.  Our Midwife (who was amazing letting us do our thing to cope) didn't believe I was ready because she had just checked me again and I was still at 8. She came in with her coffee, went to check again, and their was DD1's head :-) They were not ready for her, but she was coming. Three minutes and five pushes and she was here. Pushing was a huge relief in comparison to breathing through a contraction.  She came out fast so I had to get stitches. After enduring 11 hours of natural labor I was so prepared for that...NOT! Now that hurt like a *****!

Baby Number 2

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/02/coping-with-natural-labor-my-experience_4.html

Coping with Natural Labor: My Experience DD2

The Second time around, my view of natural labor had changed. I still did not want an epidural, but it also included not being induced, not being tied to an IV, not having constant fetal monitoring, not having my water broken and being as comfortable as possible and birthing in my own way. I had Also researched other methods of pain management. A water birth at home was my ideal thought, however DH was not quite ready for such a move.  So we created a detailed birth plan to create our ideal family oriented, since we wanted our daughter in the room with us, hospital supervised birth. We wanted to be on our own for the most part, with them as a safety net. 

My first contraction woke me out of my sleep at 3:20am. It felt like a serious stomach cramping, and like I needed to go to the bathroom. I went back to sleep. Ten minutes later, I was awake again with another one. I noted the time and went back to sleep. I must have been exhausted, because I never fall asleep that fast. At 3:41am, I woke up again and thought, wow, this is pretty consistent. I better get up.  I woke DH up and we started to time them while sitting in bed.  I was nervous now, because it finally hit me. "Ah Lord, I have to push another kid out". LOL. Like I didn't know it was going to come to that. 

I figured we better get serious when DH started to doze of again and I knew we had to get our toddler up and ready too. I was not convinced we were on our way to the hospital yet, because I was expecting the same signs as I had with Marissa (Will be discussing that in another post ). The contractions were bad, but I felt like I was handling them pretty well. Well enough that I insisted we make the bed before we leave. I had to stop a couple times in the process to do my slow deep breathing, but it was getting done. Once I had a contraction within two min of the last, I knew we needed to get to the car. Thankfully I could still move with little issue while not having a contraction. I had an awesome Little coach in DD1 :-) She kept breathing with me through the contractions and telling me I was doing a good job.

We arrived at the hospital at 7am. We finally made it inside to labor and delivery around 7:20, I know that because they were doing a shift change. I kept steady with my breathing. I would be lie if I said it was just a lot of pressure, these contractions were hurting, but breathing was helping me get through it. Full slow deep breaths. I was at 6cm by the time I was checked me at 7:45 for them to tell me, "yup you're in labor", and have me admitted. I had a few choice words, but I refrained. We were moved to our room a little after 8 am and I was in pain! Thankfully we had an awesome nurse that tried to make me smile, by complimenting my original labor "out fit" and how well I was handling the pain. At this point I was just so thankful for my DH, because it was so bad I needed him to keep me in check. There was no way breathing was going to get me through this! I was convinced! My contractions were coming so fast and so hard. He again reminded me to breath. Focus and breath. I clenched my teeth and I followed his breathing, again, and again, and again. I had to shift from holding his hand to holding the bed frame because I didn't want to hurt him, but I kept breathing with him. 

Our AMAZING midwives arrived and stood aside and just kept encouraging us. At one point I could feel one of them massaging my legs while I had my eyes closed and another place a cold towel on my head as I held DH's hand in between a contraction. I had a delicious ice cold Gatorade someplace in there too. I was in so much pain, they decided to check me again at 8:50am, and I was at 8 cm. No wonder I felt like I was loosing it. I was progressing really fast. I couldn't sit still. I started to try to get out of bed and change position. They helped me get on all fours and adjusted the bed so that I could rest my head in between contractions. Breathing was all I had been doing, and all that I could do. Next think I knew I called for our midwives and they had stepped out. I felt her coming. Breathing was not helping now because all I wanted to do was push, but they were not there yet. My husband pressed the call button and they were there in seconds, but our surprise baby was already on the way (we didn't know we were having a girl). She had crowned and I had to push. They were not ready, but my water broke and out came her little head at the same time. They didn't even have time to get their gloves on to catch her.  Again, needing to push was the best relief. She was out in less than a minute after crowning. Because she came out so fast again, I needed stitches, and I STILL wasn't ready for that. It hurt like a *****!!

What I learned after having both our girls is that the only thing I need to get through this is a great coach that would be an advocate for me. I needed my husband and his ability to focus when I could not. I could not have gotten through the natural labor of our daughters without him.

We unknowingly used a combination of Lamaze and the Bradley Method to deliver both our girls.  If there is another :-) I would love to also have the opportunity to have a water birth at home. 

My First 30 Day Challenge: Commitment

With an active toddler and new baby at home, I can not think of much I would really rather do when the kids are napping than to nap myself. However, staying active and healthy is at the top of my priority list as well so I have to put the work in. Our newest edition is 8 weeks old today <3 It took forever for me to get this posted, again trying to keep my priorities in order, so I am a week into my new beginning.

As I thought about how I wanted to begin my new regime, I wanted to focus on things I could do at home. Of course immediately I thought of all the stuff I could buy for the most effective at home work out. I got excited! New work out videos, kettle bells, resistance bands, some heavier free weights, this is going to be great.  Then I sat and though about how much I already had to work out with.

At some point we have all sat and watched that infomercial about the latest new work out video or product and purchased it with the best intentions.  You know what I'm talking about; Insanity, P90X, Hip Hop Abs, Zumba, Rockin Body, Xbox Kinect work outs, Wii Fit, the various Yoga videos.  Most if not all come with 30, 60 or 90 day plans to help shape you up.  How many of those have you completed?

So here is the first challenge. Don't spend anymore money. Pick something you already have at home and commit to their work out for 30 days. You may find that you love what you have or maybe you are looking for more of a challenge. You can move onto another work out you already have, increase intensity of what you are doing, or go get those weights you had your eye on. At least you would have earned it and have less of a chance of seeing your money laying around as you loose muscle tone.

I was cleared to do low intensity workouts.  I decided to begin with My Wii Fit Plus and Wii Active Personal Trainer.

For the first 30 days I will follow the work outs they have designed for me for my low intensity work out.  It tracks my work out days, rest days, calories, and time spent.  Best of all I don't need a lot of space to do it and it gives me a great work out in half and hour.  If I have more time throughout the day I'll add yoga in.  My favorite part of working out at home has been setting a great example for Marissa. She joins in or will eat her breakfast and cheer me on. 

" You can do it Mommy!" 

"Go Mommy, Go Mommy, Go Mommy!" 

and my favorite

" Mommy, I'm so proud of you."

That's all the motivation I could ever need.

Mission Accomplished! And then...

Last summer I put on a swim suit for the first time in two years. It was a goal I had set six 7 months prior and I achieved it in a two piece at that. I was proud of myself.  I just didn't count on achieving it AND being five months pregnant.  So here we go again. After a solid six months of not working out on purpose (being pregnant and having a toddler is a work out of its own) it's time to get back at it.

Why I exercise?

• I like to feel my best and it really helps boost my mood. 
• I feel sense of accomplishment after each work out.
• I want to be my best for myself and my family. Setting a good healthy example for my girls.
• I like to look good for myself.
• Give my boyfriend of 4 years, cohabitant of 4 years, fiance of 9 months, and husband of almost 4 years, and the father of my children a little extra reason to stick around :-) (Thank goodness they are all the same person! That would be some drama! )
• I LIKE TO EAT!

Here I am over the past few months.

Aug 15

Aug 24

Sept 5

Sept 14

Sept 19

Sept 28

Oct 4

Nov 7

Nov 15

Nov 20

Nov 28 DUE DATE!

Dec 1 

Dec 2

READY...SET...GO!

What I'm doing!

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-first-30-day-challenge-commitment.html

What's Cooking:Stuffed Shells

There is nothing like whipping up one of your childhood favorites.  My Mommy makes the best stuffed shells, with mozzarella, parmesan, ricotta and mascarpone. Having a husband that would be strict carnivore if I allowed, I had to add a little something :-)

All ingredients are straight from your local grocers isles and are low fat, but please do splurge on some quality ingredients, home made sauce and fresh herbs if you like. It will taste that much better :-)

Ingredients:

1 box Jumbo Shells

1 lb Ground Turkey

15 oz Ricotta Cheese

3 c Mozarella

24 oz of Spaghetti Sauce

1 egg

1/2 onion finely chopped

1 clove of garlic minced

2 cups fresh spinach chopped

1 tbsp Olive Oil

Salt

Pepper

Oregano

Basil

Rosemary

Preheat Oven to 400

Bring a pot of water to boil and cook shells for nine minutes or as directed on box. Drain and let cool or rinse with cold water. (Very important since you will be handling these. Don't want to burn your hands)

While shells are boiling, add olive oil to hot pan and toss in onions and garlic. Stir fry for about two min and add Turkey and herbs (dry herbs pack a punch so go easy first, until its to your liking). Season with salt and pepper to taste. Cook well until no longer pink.

In a medium bowl combine ricotta, mozzarella, turkey and spinach and egg. ( I initially forgot to take my spinach out...oops)

Fill each shell and place in a lightly oiled baking dish.

Top with sauce and remaining mozzarella cheese.

Bake at 400 degrees for 25-30 min. 

With ingredients listed this makes about 34 shells at Approx 110 calories each.

We enjoyed it with a spinach salad :-)

I have made this a variety of ways over the years, like adding, mascarpone, mushrooms and red pepper flakes, have fun with it :-)

Hope you like it!

Sleep Is Precious

As I sat down in bed after changing, nursing and tucking my little one in next to me, I began thinking about they layout for dialog about my next subject, and then I realized the time.  Its Midnight!  And on that note, I'm going to bed before one of my boss's wakes up! Sleep is precious :-)

Cloth Diaper Chronicles: Diaper Prepping

When it came to prepping our diapers, I have to admit I was a bit thrown off.  I have to wash and dry that how many times before I use it?  Ummmm, that's not very efficient and nobody has time for that!  

Prefold Prep:  Keeping it simple

1. Boil your prefolds in a large pot a couple at a time for 20 min (set a timer). 

2. Wash on Hot. 

3. Line dry (May be stiff) Or use Dryer

4. Use on Baby :-)

Prefolds will shrink when washed

Bumgenius Prep:

1. Wash on Cold ( I through them in with our regular laundry)

2. Wash on Hot (through them in with pefolds that had already been washed twice)

3. Use on baby :-)

I am using All Free and Clear as our detergent. No laundry additives should be used.  Be sure not to launder your unbleached prefolds with all in ones until they have been boiled and washed or washed a few times.  The natural oils from the unbleached prefolds will cause your AIO not to absorb.

When you have a nice sunny day, give mother nature the opportunity to dry and sanitize your diapers. We can all use a little sunshine :-)

Hope this helps!

Food Made Fun: Guilt Free Frozen Treats

There are a couple of things we do not go without in our home and one of those things are fruit.  We always have fresh or frozen fruit on hand for snacking, tossing into our greek yogurt, or making a smoothie (we live on these).  But things got a little crazy, and I mean awesome crazy when I got a birthday present from my mom in the mail.

Have you heard of the Yonanas? You can use it to turn frozen fruit into the constancy of soft serve ice cream, so much so you really don't miss ice cream, seriously.

So what is it? I would say its a counter top combination blender/chopper, except you would never get results like this with those devices. It has tiny blades that rotate in a circle on the inside of the device to crush the fruit. The blade can not be accessed while the device is in use, making it safe for children to use with supervision.

Wondering how it works? You place froze fruit of your choice in the shoot, press down and wallah! Soft serve yummy fruit deliciousness!  To get the perfect consistency they recommend that you use a banana with each of your creations since it adds that real creaminess, but its not totally necessary.  Its also suggested to let your fruit thaw a little before using it (i'm not that patient). You can also microwave it for 10 seconds before processing it. Be sure not to overdue it though.

Clean up is a super easy. All detachable pieces can be thrown into the dish washer or very easily rinsed.  A good amount of fruit is left in the unit, so be sure to spoon all of that goodness into a bowl before being put to wash.

My favorites are banana, mango, and strawberry banana. Black berries and raspberries still leave behind quite a bit of seeds still, so the kiddies or picky adults may not love that.  I would highly recommend the Popsicle maker accessory that is offered with it as well if you dont already have some. They make the most awesome frozen fruit bars with what's left over.  It also comes with a little quick reference recipe booklet.

When to enjoy it? ANYTIME!! Its just fruit :-)

The only thing negative I can say about it is that it is noisy, but so is my blender :-)

I highly recommend the Yonanas for every household.

 Yonanas can be purchased online or locally at the following retailers.

Target

Bed Bath and Beyond

Walmart

Cloth Diaper Chronicles: How it all began

I always said when I had a little one that we would do cloth diapers. I made a very sad attempt with DD1 2011. We started out with G diapers, because they were cute, available at Babies R Us and I had done absolutely no research. Two covers, six inserts, and a few disposable liners later, I could not really tell you how I felt about it with my occasional Saturday morning use. DH was not going near them.
Fast forward to Dec 2013 with the arrival of DD2. Now a stay at home mom, tons of research under the belt, much less income and DD2 going through 14 disposables one day (FOURTEEN!!!), I knew I had to make a commitment and get DH on board.

We started with the most affordable option, prefolds and covers.  I chose a 12 pack of OzoCozy Chinese Prefolds in size 4x6x4, a five pack of Snappi diaper fasteners in size one and three Bububibi PUL one size covers, all available on Amazon.

Stock Photos:

With only twelve prefolds to rotate, we were going part time and using up our disposables too. At the end of the first week, I can honestly say, it was not bad at all. I actually enjoyed it and made a commitment to it. The prefolds absorbed well and the covers were not bad.  They are water proof which is great, but we did have a few leaks at the leg opening.  All stools stayed in place though :-) None of those baby blow outs to deal with.  While changing the snaps have come undone as I adjust the cover under her bottom, which can get a bit frustrating. Looking forward to trying some other covers. We also have some Ozo Cozy Birdseye Flat Unbleached diapers. We just received those so the verdict is still out, but I do love how thin they are. DD2 seems more comfortable in those with the cover than the prefolds.

Now to get DH on board.  Research and talking to other cloth diapering moms, I decided to try an All in One or AIO diaper. No stuffing, wrapping or pinning required and as easy to use as disposables. We went with Bumgenius Freetime AIO with snaps.  They are also one sized diapers, which saves a ton.  We purchased a two pack from Target online, with free shipping and an additional 5% off as a red card member.  After using these, I have to admit, I was in love with a cloth diaper! Super cute, compact, and I could tell DD2 was really comfortable in it. And best of all, no leaks overnight and DH used them!  We change DD2 every three hours or when she is up from a nap and the diaper does not even feel wet and her skin is dry.  It pulls moisture away from her so well.  Needless to say we went from two to ten Bumgenius Freetime AIO diapers in a week.

This may in fact be our first a last stop on a cloth AIO diaper.  I'd be willing to give another a chance if HIGHLY recommended, but this is going to be hard to beat.

Our diaper drawer :-)

Check out diaper prepping as well :-)

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/01/cloth-diaper-chronicles-diaper-prepping.html