In Our Happy Home: Disappointed Husband

A friend of mine said before that she had her husband wait for someone else to help him with something because the baby was sleeping and she had to get dinner ready.

I was so caught of guard by that, like, the baby can sleep in the car and you guys can pick something up to eat. I would never make my hunny wait when I'm available. (outside looking in...you dont know my story)

Then I had my opportunity to do just that and FAILED MAJORLY (hind site)

So this evening I really let my husband down. He needed me to do something for him and I could not bring myself to just say "OK" and move on.   It was 8:45 pm, our visiting family just left from having a late dinner with us.  I thought for sure he was making other plans that excluded me and the kids, but I was wrong. All I could think was this was really going to mess with all the plans I had laid out for the night, and I let him know exactly that.  He got upset.

All I could think was, It's almost 9pm, It's been a busy day, I barely got any sleep last night, Nina barely napped, I really want a cup of tea, I have been trying to make a cup of tea since this morning, the kids need baths, I need to pack your lunch, clean the kitchen, get the laundry away, and I would really like really need to take a shower.

In the middle of him talking and me trying to get him to understand my point, I stopped trying because I could see how upset he was.  I knew what he needed, but at that point he didn't even want my help anymore.

What he needed from me was to say "OK, Tell me what it is you need me to do to make this easier for you."

Do I feel like my thoughts and intentions were selfish; No. Do I feel like I could have and should have taken the selfless route; Yes.

Our marriage has taught me a couple things, one of them being that this relationship I vowed to be in is not for myself, it is for him. Even though our roles and responsibilities are ever changing, I'm in this for him.

Another being that I will often forget the first, but if I take time away to think about his request instead of responding with a rebuttal, I always choose the selfless route.

Queen Elsa said it best, " It's funny how a little distance can make everything seem small". Its the truth.

With that said, when your mate comes with to you with a request, question, idea, or anything take a moment to pause, reflect, work through your own thoughts, and or frustrations internally, put them aside and respond with love.

I'm sorry hunny

A Minute to 18 years

I received a text from one of my close friends this evening:
"Nothing in life has u busy enough where you cant respond to a text or call me live..."

My initial thought was, "Damn, I forgot to call". I did feel bad about it, and responded:
" You are right. I will call when Maurice is down from work"

At that moment, I was sitting with our girls listening to Jazz waiting for the changing of the guards so that I could start dinner.  At that moment, I had a few moments where life was calm and in order. And at that moment, nothing in life had me THAT busy. And then that moment was over.

If I said that was the only call/text/request I did not get a chance to respond to, I'd be lying.

The truth is they were not right.  I am that busy, and life is exactly what has me that busy.  I have two little people and two big people who need attention from me at many simultaneous moments, plus variables. Before 11 pm, I have had approximately 35 combined minutes to myself.  Today I chose to use them to shower with the door closed and eat a hot meal without having to share (yeah, it gets like that around here). And since sitting here I have had to put both kids back to bed once.

I sneak away to use the restroom, only to hear little giggles outside the door, which I obviously love hearing.

I think of what we are going to do next before the current activity is over. Sometimes I'm not sure who has the shorter attention span, me or the kids.  

Days are spent using our imaginations climbing mountains and searching for birds in the forest. FYI there is no cell service out there :-) and creating surprises for daddy before he gets home. We baked and left the dishes for you...SURPRISE!!!!  We washed laundry and nothing got folded or put away...SURPRISE!!!!

We can't forget about meals.  These people in my house wake up hungry EVERY DAY.  I'm like, really you ate last night. ok, J/K, but really, that's the first thing I hear. Soon to be followed by: 

What's for lunch, she needs to have water, she had orange juice with breakfast, no, no you can't have those chips, yes you can have the almonds, no no ice cream, ok, if you nap you can have banana ice cream. 

That was about 5 seconds of thoughts and kid conversation mixed with bribery.

Have you ever seen that post "5 minutes in a moms head" ? It's the truth. Except my meatloaf rocks and I love my minivan. 

"What do I need to do today... return calls, answer emails, return texts from days ago... people probably think I'm so rude. I need to get organized. I need to organize this whole house. This room is a mess. I saw on Oprah that your bedroom is a reflection of your marriage. God please don't let that be true. I need to declutter. At the very least I need to put away all of this laundry. It's a bad sign when you run out of laundry baskets and start using clear storage containers. But first I need to take all of the clothes out of all of the drawers and sort. I'm tired of seeing my 4-year-old put on 2T pants. But they kind of look like capri pants, right? I just hate getting rid of clothes. Especially when I know they can't be passed down. Maybe we should have another baby. I don't feel done. I feel crazy and stressed out, but not done."

I have never had a job that required as much love, attention and energy.  It's draining, it's rewarding, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  All that to say, us parents of young ones are so busy! If we don't get back to you, please don't take it personal. Give us anywhere from a minute to 18 years.