In Our Happy Home: Disappointed Husband

A friend of mine said before that she had her husband wait for someone else to help him with something because the baby was sleeping and she had to get dinner ready.

I was so caught of guard by that, like, the baby can sleep in the car and you guys can pick something up to eat. I would never make my hunny wait when I'm available. (outside looking in...you dont know my story)

Then I had my opportunity to do just that and FAILED MAJORLY (hind site)

So this evening I really let my husband down. He needed me to do something for him and I could not bring myself to just say "OK" and move on.   It was 8:45 pm, our visiting family just left from having a late dinner with us.  I thought for sure he was making other plans that excluded me and the kids, but I was wrong. All I could think was this was really going to mess with all the plans I had laid out for the night, and I let him know exactly that.  He got upset.

All I could think was, It's almost 9pm, It's been a busy day, I barely got any sleep last night, Nina barely napped, I really want a cup of tea, I have been trying to make a cup of tea since this morning, the kids need baths, I need to pack your lunch, clean the kitchen, get the laundry away, and I would really like really need to take a shower.

In the middle of him talking and me trying to get him to understand my point, I stopped trying because I could see how upset he was.  I knew what he needed, but at that point he didn't even want my help anymore.

What he needed from me was to say "OK, Tell me what it is you need me to do to make this easier for you."

Do I feel like my thoughts and intentions were selfish; No. Do I feel like I could have and should have taken the selfless route; Yes.

Our marriage has taught me a couple things, one of them being that this relationship I vowed to be in is not for myself, it is for him. Even though our roles and responsibilities are ever changing, I'm in this for him.

Another being that I will often forget the first, but if I take time away to think about his request instead of responding with a rebuttal, I always choose the selfless route.

Queen Elsa said it best, " It's funny how a little distance can make everything seem small". Its the truth.

With that said, when your mate comes with to you with a request, question, idea, or anything take a moment to pause, reflect, work through your own thoughts, and or frustrations internally, put them aside and respond with love.

I'm sorry hunny

A Minute to 18 years

I received a text from one of my close friends this evening:
"Nothing in life has u busy enough where you cant respond to a text or call me live..."

My initial thought was, "Damn, I forgot to call". I did feel bad about it, and responded:
" You are right. I will call when Maurice is down from work"

At that moment, I was sitting with our girls listening to Jazz waiting for the changing of the guards so that I could start dinner.  At that moment, I had a few moments where life was calm and in order. And at that moment, nothing in life had me THAT busy. And then that moment was over.

If I said that was the only call/text/request I did not get a chance to respond to, I'd be lying.

The truth is they were not right.  I am that busy, and life is exactly what has me that busy.  I have two little people and two big people who need attention from me at many simultaneous moments, plus variables. Before 11 pm, I have had approximately 35 combined minutes to myself.  Today I chose to use them to shower with the door closed and eat a hot meal without having to share (yeah, it gets like that around here). And since sitting here I have had to put both kids back to bed once.

I sneak away to use the restroom, only to hear little giggles outside the door, which I obviously love hearing.

I think of what we are going to do next before the current activity is over. Sometimes I'm not sure who has the shorter attention span, me or the kids.  

Days are spent using our imaginations climbing mountains and searching for birds in the forest. FYI there is no cell service out there :-) and creating surprises for daddy before he gets home. We baked and left the dishes for you...SURPRISE!!!!  We washed laundry and nothing got folded or put away...SURPRISE!!!!

We can't forget about meals.  These people in my house wake up hungry EVERY DAY.  I'm like, really you ate last night. ok, J/K, but really, that's the first thing I hear. Soon to be followed by: 

What's for lunch, she needs to have water, she had orange juice with breakfast, no, no you can't have those chips, yes you can have the almonds, no no ice cream, ok, if you nap you can have banana ice cream. 

That was about 5 seconds of thoughts and kid conversation mixed with bribery.

Have you ever seen that post "5 minutes in a moms head" ? It's the truth. Except my meatloaf rocks and I love my minivan. 

"What do I need to do today... return calls, answer emails, return texts from days ago... people probably think I'm so rude. I need to get organized. I need to organize this whole house. This room is a mess. I saw on Oprah that your bedroom is a reflection of your marriage. God please don't let that be true. I need to declutter. At the very least I need to put away all of this laundry. It's a bad sign when you run out of laundry baskets and start using clear storage containers. But first I need to take all of the clothes out of all of the drawers and sort. I'm tired of seeing my 4-year-old put on 2T pants. But they kind of look like capri pants, right? I just hate getting rid of clothes. Especially when I know they can't be passed down. Maybe we should have another baby. I don't feel done. I feel crazy and stressed out, but not done."

I have never had a job that required as much love, attention and energy.  It's draining, it's rewarding, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  All that to say, us parents of young ones are so busy! If we don't get back to you, please don't take it personal. Give us anywhere from a minute to 18 years.

Early Labor Signs

Leaking or Discharge:

You pass your mucus plug or water breaks.  Not everyone will notice the passing of their plug.  Your water may also not break before your pushing stage.

Contractions:

With or without pain you will feel your stomach tightening like a  fist.  Everyones pain tolerance varies so time them. If they are consistent 10 min apart or less for over an hour, you may want to call your doctor or midwife.

Cramps:

You may have period like cramps, with or without passing loose stools. Its perfectly normal and your body is getting ready to deliver that baby.

Pelvic Pressure:

You may actually feel your baby "drop" shifting downward in your stomach. Feel like you have to hold yourself while standing or walking...yup, that's it.

Backache:

You may have a dull ache in your mid to lower back. Applying counter pressure usually helps to ease the discomfort.

• If you think that you are leaking amniotic fluid, put on a pad and lay down. If you are able to soak it, then your water has most likely broken.
• To test if you are having real contraction, rest and drink a couple glasses of water. Sometimes dehydration can cause cramping and contractions. If they are real they will not stop regardless of what you do.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and do not claim to be one. These are my experiences and some others have shared with me.

Coping with Natural Labor

Here are a few options with coping with Natural Labor. 

Water Birth:

Considered one of the most gentle ways to give birth because of being in a warm water filled tub. This helps to comfort, relax, and manage pain. You can leave the tub for delivery or give birth in the water.  If a tub is not available sitting on a stool in a warm shower can also help relax you and help labor progress.

Hypno Birthing:

Teaches us how to place ourselves in a hypnotic state, that should put us in a deep state of relaxation that helps keep pain to a minimum.

Lamaze:

This focuses on breathing and the support of a partner. Knowing that our bodies are made to do this and having the right to birth the way we choose with family and professional health care support.

Bradley Method:

Trusting your own body, focused breathing, relaxation, exercise, nutrition and a great coach. Your significant other attends classes to learn how to be helpful during labor. 

Our Natural Labors and Coping Experiences

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/02/coping-with-natural-labor-my-experience.html

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/02/coping-with-natural-labor-my-experience_4.html

Coping with Natural Labor: My Experience DD1

When we found out we were pregnant with our first child, I knew right away that I wanted to have a natural birth. To me that meant no epidural.  DH and I prepared ourselves as well as we thought we could as first time parents in the internet era. We looked it up online :-)  

Our hospital offered so many resources, but we were unable to attend the birth classes due to scheduling conflicts. We decided to order a video we could watch on our own time.  We ordered "Laugh and Learn About Childbirth", with Sheri Bayles.  It has six different forty five minute lessons that covered everything we felt we needed to know and things we did not know.

• Anatomy and Preliminary Signs of Labor 
• Three Actual Stages of Labor
• One Breathing Technique
• Labor and Delivery 
• Pushing 
• Medications used in Labor 
• Induction 
• Forceps
• Vacuum 
• Monitoring 
• Cesarean Delivery 
• Post-op C/S 
• Postpartum Vaginal Delivery

It was a great guide to have our first. We were able to ask educated questions during our appointments and the laboring process and were able to be an active informed participants in our care.

How I was able to cope.:

I will start by saying, I could not have done it without my husband. He was the best support I could have.  I had my first "real" contraction around 4:30pm. I did not know it was real until about an hour later with them progressing and being unable to speak during them. Steady deep breathing helped me get through each of them initially.  They were eight to five minutes apart, so decided to jump in the shower as we would be making our way to the hospital soon. While in the shower they went to every three minutes, WHOA! I actually laughed at myself when they hit that point.  Of course a hot relaxing shower would speed them up.  

Once I got out, they slowed back down to about five minutes, but they were much more intense. It felt like extreme pressure in my lower back and cramping in my lower abdomen. Breathing helped pace myself so I would not freak out and remind myself that I am in control, but counter pressure from DH massaging my lowing back with each breath helped with discomfort. Massage up with each breath in and down with each breath out...for eleven hours :-) He really labored with me.  I was able to talk, text, and enjoy a laugh in between contractions for a while.  I had continuous fetal monitoring and was doing a lot of sitting during labor.  It was a lot harder using counter pressure to assist with pain once I was in bed because DH could not get to my back as well and I could not move as I felt I needed to.

This is where DH's coaching and my will kicked in skills really kicked in.  At the end of each contraction I would tell myself, that wasn't that bad, I can do another one, and again, and again. He reminded me to breath when he could see I was holding my breath (that is really easy to do at that time). Slow deep breathing was key for me and he kept me on pace. Him breathing with me and his encouraging words really kept me going. I got to a point where I felt like I could not do it anymore. I stalled at 8 cm and I was tired. He just kept telling me how great I was doing and to keep breathing. That we would see our baby girl soon.  I got to a point where all I could do was pray because I was exhausted, I was actually dozing between contractions.  I remember saying out loud, "Lord please, I cant do it anymore, please get this baby out of me". AND almost immediately came the pressure to push.  Our Midwife (who was amazing letting us do our thing to cope) didn't believe I was ready because she had just checked me again and I was still at 8. She came in with her coffee, went to check again, and their was DD1's head :-) They were not ready for her, but she was coming. Three minutes and five pushes and she was here. Pushing was a huge relief in comparison to breathing through a contraction.  She came out fast so I had to get stitches. After enduring 11 hours of natural labor I was so prepared for that...NOT! Now that hurt like a *****!

Baby Number 2

http://realworldmomconfessions.blogspot.com/2014/02/coping-with-natural-labor-my-experience_4.html

Coping with Natural Labor: My Experience DD2

The Second time around, my view of natural labor had changed. I still did not want an epidural, but it also included not being induced, not being tied to an IV, not having constant fetal monitoring, not having my water broken and being as comfortable as possible and birthing in my own way. I had Also researched other methods of pain management. A water birth at home was my ideal thought, however DH was not quite ready for such a move.  So we created a detailed birth plan to create our ideal family oriented, since we wanted our daughter in the room with us, hospital supervised birth. We wanted to be on our own for the most part, with them as a safety net. 

My first contraction woke me out of my sleep at 3:20am. It felt like a serious stomach cramping, and like I needed to go to the bathroom. I went back to sleep. Ten minutes later, I was awake again with another one. I noted the time and went back to sleep. I must have been exhausted, because I never fall asleep that fast. At 3:41am, I woke up again and thought, wow, this is pretty consistent. I better get up.  I woke DH up and we started to time them while sitting in bed.  I was nervous now, because it finally hit me. "Ah Lord, I have to push another kid out". LOL. Like I didn't know it was going to come to that. 

I figured we better get serious when DH started to doze of again and I knew we had to get our toddler up and ready too. I was not convinced we were on our way to the hospital yet, because I was expecting the same signs as I had with Marissa (Will be discussing that in another post ). The contractions were bad, but I felt like I was handling them pretty well. Well enough that I insisted we make the bed before we leave. I had to stop a couple times in the process to do my slow deep breathing, but it was getting done. Once I had a contraction within two min of the last, I knew we needed to get to the car. Thankfully I could still move with little issue while not having a contraction. I had an awesome Little coach in DD1 :-) She kept breathing with me through the contractions and telling me I was doing a good job.

We arrived at the hospital at 7am. We finally made it inside to labor and delivery around 7:20, I know that because they were doing a shift change. I kept steady with my breathing. I would be lie if I said it was just a lot of pressure, these contractions were hurting, but breathing was helping me get through it. Full slow deep breaths. I was at 6cm by the time I was checked me at 7:45 for them to tell me, "yup you're in labor", and have me admitted. I had a few choice words, but I refrained. We were moved to our room a little after 8 am and I was in pain! Thankfully we had an awesome nurse that tried to make me smile, by complimenting my original labor "out fit" and how well I was handling the pain. At this point I was just so thankful for my DH, because it was so bad I needed him to keep me in check. There was no way breathing was going to get me through this! I was convinced! My contractions were coming so fast and so hard. He again reminded me to breath. Focus and breath. I clenched my teeth and I followed his breathing, again, and again, and again. I had to shift from holding his hand to holding the bed frame because I didn't want to hurt him, but I kept breathing with him. 

Our AMAZING midwives arrived and stood aside and just kept encouraging us. At one point I could feel one of them massaging my legs while I had my eyes closed and another place a cold towel on my head as I held DH's hand in between a contraction. I had a delicious ice cold Gatorade someplace in there too. I was in so much pain, they decided to check me again at 8:50am, and I was at 8 cm. No wonder I felt like I was loosing it. I was progressing really fast. I couldn't sit still. I started to try to get out of bed and change position. They helped me get on all fours and adjusted the bed so that I could rest my head in between contractions. Breathing was all I had been doing, and all that I could do. Next think I knew I called for our midwives and they had stepped out. I felt her coming. Breathing was not helping now because all I wanted to do was push, but they were not there yet. My husband pressed the call button and they were there in seconds, but our surprise baby was already on the way (we didn't know we were having a girl). She had crowned and I had to push. They were not ready, but my water broke and out came her little head at the same time. They didn't even have time to get their gloves on to catch her.  Again, needing to push was the best relief. She was out in less than a minute after crowning. Because she came out so fast again, I needed stitches, and I STILL wasn't ready for that. It hurt like a *****!!

What I learned after having both our girls is that the only thing I need to get through this is a great coach that would be an advocate for me. I needed my husband and his ability to focus when I could not. I could not have gotten through the natural labor of our daughters without him.

We unknowingly used a combination of Lamaze and the Bradley Method to deliver both our girls.  If there is another :-) I would love to also have the opportunity to have a water birth at home. 

My First 30 Day Challenge: Commitment

With an active toddler and new baby at home, I can not think of much I would really rather do when the kids are napping than to nap myself. However, staying active and healthy is at the top of my priority list as well so I have to put the work in. Our newest edition is 8 weeks old today <3 It took forever for me to get this posted, again trying to keep my priorities in order, so I am a week into my new beginning.

As I thought about how I wanted to begin my new regime, I wanted to focus on things I could do at home. Of course immediately I thought of all the stuff I could buy for the most effective at home work out. I got excited! New work out videos, kettle bells, resistance bands, some heavier free weights, this is going to be great.  Then I sat and though about how much I already had to work out with.

At some point we have all sat and watched that infomercial about the latest new work out video or product and purchased it with the best intentions.  You know what I'm talking about; Insanity, P90X, Hip Hop Abs, Zumba, Rockin Body, Xbox Kinect work outs, Wii Fit, the various Yoga videos.  Most if not all come with 30, 60 or 90 day plans to help shape you up.  How many of those have you completed?

So here is the first challenge. Don't spend anymore money. Pick something you already have at home and commit to their work out for 30 days. You may find that you love what you have or maybe you are looking for more of a challenge. You can move onto another work out you already have, increase intensity of what you are doing, or go get those weights you had your eye on. At least you would have earned it and have less of a chance of seeing your money laying around as you loose muscle tone.

I was cleared to do low intensity workouts.  I decided to begin with My Wii Fit Plus and Wii Active Personal Trainer.

For the first 30 days I will follow the work outs they have designed for me for my low intensity work out.  It tracks my work out days, rest days, calories, and time spent.  Best of all I don't need a lot of space to do it and it gives me a great work out in half and hour.  If I have more time throughout the day I'll add yoga in.  My favorite part of working out at home has been setting a great example for Marissa. She joins in or will eat her breakfast and cheer me on. 

" You can do it Mommy!" 

"Go Mommy, Go Mommy, Go Mommy!" 

and my favorite

" Mommy, I'm so proud of you."

That's all the motivation I could ever need.